love thoughts

You didn't get me at "hello"

What a love story to be told, 

it didn't start at the situation called "first meet"

it neither started at the first glance,

nor the first smile.

What a love story to be told,

it doesn't grow like what's told in those fairytale books
it neither as sweet as songs that written,
nor the poem.

People may call it ordinary,
yet doesn't mean it's not different from others.
It has its own plot,
its own beginning & its own twists.

It's simple.

Because it doesn't need to entertain people,
it just needs to be real,
to be felt,
and to be kept.

What a love story to be told.

a love letter for you

It's time to decide, not an easy thing to do.

Yet I need to, so do you.

For me it's been a great time lately, I have no regret.

But I know I need to give you space, your own space, your own time.

These days some people say that I should stop, 

I should leave you because you'll never take me the way I am.

But I try to stay and understand you more, which made me being hurt more.

I don't blame you, because I chose to stay.

I chose to believe, I chose to risk my heart, yet I'm happy.

I've been broken several times, but I don't want to give you what's left.

I want to share a good part that I have, with you.

I always think that being apart to you is a hard thing, but it only occurs to me, not you.

But I know we need to learn, both of us need to learn to let God works with His own way, 

in His own time.

I wish you could be the one, but I don't want to let my heart decides.

I want God to take the control for this time.

I don't want to blame anybody, not anymore.

It's not anyone else's fault that we can't be together.

I just want you to simply know, that I'll miss you much but I need to let you go.

Let you find your way, your path.

I don't know if it will end to mine, but I pray the best for you.

I let you see the worst of me, so in case one day I'll become an ugly and annoying person you'll still love me the way I am. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm just too naive sometimes to think that fairytale does exist.

I'm sorry for asking you too much.

But now, I'll let you work on your things.

I'll let you convince yourself where your heart belongs to.

I'll let you choose your own happiness,

rather I'm a part of it or not.

This ain't a romantic yet touching love letter, because I just want to be honest.

I don't know if one day we end up together or not,

but I hope the best for you.

for us.

The Time Frame

I think it's time to decide the time frame.

It doesn't feel good when other people say encouragement, you say nothing but asking for more.

But it hurts when you admire her, while I'm trying to catch up.

I don't blame you, it's just I'm tired.

It doesn't feel good when other people support me in every way, you treat me as if I'm never be grateful for what I have.

But it hurts when you show her your best effort, when I'm trying to hold on.

I don't blame you, it's just I'm tired.

Sometimes I just want to say it out loud but then who am I so that I could demand so much?

Sometimes I wish I could understand the way you think and not being too grumble.

But I'm sorry that this is the way I am.

I think it's fair enough for me wishing that you could accept me the way I am, yet too selfish.

I try to accept you, your (terms and) conditions.

Once again I don't blame you, I'm just tired.

"I'm happy"

I'm happy, just don't ask me more.

I'm enjoying the moment, every single day. For the first time after these couples of months, it feels so easy to smile even laugh. I try not to worry about anything, about what will happen tomorrow or about how things will end up. I try to let things happen naturally, the way it is. And amazingly things turn into beautiful sparks, like fireworks which brighten up the night sky. I just want to be positive, at least for this time while everything seems so wonderful.

If people ask why I've been so happy lately, I might say I don't know actually. It might be because of things go right as I planned, or because I have lots of time to spend with my favourite people in good places, or it might be because that one favourite person. Usually people will conclude it's the third reason that takes bigger impact. But at some point I realized, I lost that one favourite person some times ago. Actually it's not that I lost the person, I just lost the feeling of making this person my favourite one.   Most of people might not know that this person let me go first, when I tried to hold on. Maybe that's why at some point I barely feel nothing about this one person, but then I know that I'm happy to know that this one person is doing fine. I know it's too naive, most of the time I'm being too naive.

So that's why I think it's time to just be happy, be free, be thankful. Because sooner or later the rainbow will fade away and there will come another rainy season before the sun shines again.

Cheers :)